canna-lilies:

“I loved a man. I loved ●. I don’t know how else to begin. I want to say I was a shadow. I want memory blotted out like a blank space.”

— — Lucia LoTempio, from Hot with the Bad Things (via lifeinpoetry)

just when i begin to feel better i get reminded of that pain and it sends me into dark waters again.

i don’t want to feel anything.

they look at me like i’m pitying myself but that’s just not it— plain and simple: i’m exhausted. i just want to not feel anything and just be at peace. it’s draining dealing with all this constant turmoil and torment and trauma. i’m just tired, man.

imdrinkingyourmilkshake:

newvision:

— Bob Dylan from When the Deal Goes Down on Modern Times (2006)

chillpotato:

- Mahmoud Darwish from ’Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut c. 1982 (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi)

anaysa:

Albert Camus

Always

yanderec0r3:

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸̬̝͔̤̘̥̰͖̣͆̈́̐͑͂̒͌̀͝͝ȑ̴̙̙̻͕̪͖̺̹̗̝́͛͝ţ̴̡̺̩̞̲̝̙̭͕͇̲͓̐͊̓͛̎̋͐͌̌͛̃͗̍̚͠s̶̡̲̰̟͋̌̽̐͐̚͜ ̴̧̯̥̽̓̇͛̀̃͂̎͛̄͘͠͝ï̶̧̨͕̗̯̲̼̲̬͎̫̪̹͚̱̍̈́̏́̍̇͋̽͌́͝͠t̴͉̙̪͍͘ ̸̬̦͓̫̹͚͆̍͠ḩ̷̫̟̰̘̖̮͍̹̱̒͛́̽̊́͐̎̌͗̂̆͝͠ͅù̸͉̹̭̻͔̹̲̙̆̓̈̌̋͆̐̄r̶̺̲̜͇̝̯̣͇̪̼̟̣̳̩͓̂t̵̨̨̼̺͉̜͎̙̜͐͑̐̐̆̀̇͠ś̵̨̨̱̭̰̫͍̮̫͕̥̤̟̱͌ ̵̢͙̗̬͈͇̟͔̱̱̝̖̣̦̑̊̅͜͝i̸̛̗͕͗͂̽̽̄̿͒̚͝͝t̴͉̻̥̭̙̭͎̠̰̘̂͛̈́͌͂̂͐̋̓̾͜͠ ̸̡̨̢̡̧͓̻͈̫̜̪̗͘h̵̢̨̡̺͍͇͚̺̓̈̑͗͋̿͐͠ų̷̨̛̠̣̰̜̬̟̜̩͎̺̼͓̼̇̓͛̚͠͠r̶̛̯̘̬͎͓͚̥̥͛̀̊̐̅͊̀̿͠ṯ̸̈́͑̚s̶͚̗͐̑́̌̂̍̆́͌̈́͐̈́͝ ̴̡̧̨̛̥̪̲̙̖̙̦̰̲͛̀̂͌̍̿̚i̸̧̧̢̡̮̫̯̬̊͒͒͑͜t̶̫̟̹͇͎͚̻͍̂̃͛ͅ ̷̧̧̟̖̗͔̻̖̖̦̓̈́̑͒̓̉̓͑̕͘̕̕͝͝ͅĥ̷̢̲̼̭͕͉͇͍͇͖͖̈́̓͊͐̋̈́̾̊̕u̷̡̪͙̭̱̻̯̳̎̊ṛ̵͎̖̦͎̤̀̋̓̀͛t̷̡̖͙͈̪͍̩̖͇͇̰̘̎͌̽͒̕͠s̷̠̥͖͇̞͙̤̱͉̭͎͎͆̓̆̉͋̂͆͑͌͊͜͠ ̵̧̛̖̱̉̐̏̉́̀͘͠͠͠ḯ̸̡̡̙͖̰̺̝̻͖̱̭̙͖͗̃͆̒̉͋̅͑͂̕͝͝t̵̨͙̯͙̙̒̔̍̓̅̅̄̄̽̃̚͝ͅ ̵̨͍̫̳̘͓̲͈̮̳͎̮̳̦̍͐̋͛͌̀̋̚͝͠ḩ̸̮̙̜̣͙̱̘̖͎͚̊̈̋̒̓̿̈́͋̇̄͒͝͝͝ų̸̖̦̩̲̻̝̖̝͚̩͋ŗ̶̭̩̻̺͉͌͐͋̽̐̀̃́͛͠͠ͅt̴̗͔̺͎̪͎̋̈́̔͑̃̔̕s̴͖͕̣̩͍̠̼̪̞͕̝͔͌̃́ ̶̰̖̥̘̳̻̺͙͂̂͐̉͐̈́̑̾́͝͝í̵̡̗̻͈͇͓͙͕͈ţ̷̛͈̰͎͕̙̭̱͍̜̑̾̈́͘ͅ ̸̡̧̲̮͇̲̙̫̖̫͎̈́h̸̡̡͓̝̫̘͓͉͖̞̠́̆̒͜ǘ̴̻̬͙̾͌̓͆̃̉̕r̵͖̪͌͆̊͆̍̾̒̏̽ͅț̷̢̡̛̀̃̊͑͊͛̚͘͠͝ş̴̱̪̗̳̺͕̩̘͂͆̓͂͘ ̷̪̒͂͗́̋̂̍̊i̵̛̥̗̲͉͖͑̓͐ͅṫ̷̢͖̞͕͍̗̖̱̘̯̞̑͜ͅ ̸̢̛̪̭͕̗̤̥͈̬̖̗̥̣̱͛͜h̸̢̛͓͓̰̻̮̰͍̃͗̋́̈̏͐̊̂̆̿͠͝u̵̩̤̰̦̮̯͓͒̾̒̎̄̔̉͒͊̆̅͘̕ṙ̵̢̘̟̤̘̺̦̼͎̤̰̣́̄̏́̃́͆̋̍͂̃̕ͅͅt̴̢̤̬̘̜͔̻̦̲̘͍͆̓̂͜s̴̲̯̯͇̦̻̐͐̇̈́̅̋͐̏̊̍̑̚ ̷̧̨̩͙͇̼̫̗̦͍̮̣͍̣̯͗į̷̧̳̥̤̞͎͇̫̫͙̻̤̙̑͊̎̿̇t̴̢̻̮̻̳̭̮̳̾͒̐̓̇ ̶̡̯͉͍͚̭͔̘̩͝ͅḩ̵̦̲͎̬͙͍̣͇̘̤̗̣̠̭̒̐͠u̵̯̣͖͈̝̗̠̥͋̾̾̒̍̇͋̍̃̾͑͠r̸̨̨͚̭̲͍̮̟̳̣̗̯̞̞̱̆̍̍͋̑t̵̢͙̆͑̌͊̐̒ś̸̢̢͓̰̲̮̥̒̿͒̽̾̀͗̽̅ i̷̩̳̙͒͂̾͊̚ţ̷̡̲̯̻͕̃̈͂͘͘̕ ̶̖̤̝̮̳͍̦̝̖̹̱̥͛̓̎̌̃͌̎̾h̶͙͌̂̿̊ư̶̺̜̲̲̬͈̱͎̯̱̳̟̲̫r̵̮̬̗̗̜̟̩̩͕̣̃́̏̃̾̓̚t̶̡̢̧̡̤͚̯̝͒͝ś̴̢̧̢͇̭̻̞̓̊́͛͆̓̉̎͘͝ ̵̨̛̗̲̫͈͓̱͈̦̞̝̙̎̃̌́̐̑̒̓̕͜i̵̢̛̻̙̍̍̇̿̓͛̍̈́͝t̸̨̢̟̭̦͙͍̦͍̘̤͕̿̏̄͆͋͑̔͝ ̴̛̙̝͚̜͉̔͗͋̃͜ȟ̷̡̧͚̥̦̑͐͂͊̈́͑̈́̀͌̀̕ư̴̙̲̦͉̟̬̰̣͖͓̐̇̈̑͂̍͆̌̑̎͑͝r̵̢̧̝̘̩͚̤̠̝̮̮̜͙̋̅̇̄͐̂͠ͅt̶̢̨̩̝̣̬͔̟̯̳̖͍̋̊̎̈́̀͊̌͛̃͝s̴̠̠͖̰̙̣̥̘̗̻̲̯̎̋͋ͅ ̷̺̝͚̜̊̅͊͛̎̽̐̌i̸̝͛t̴̻̾̾̽́̋̇͗̓̌̑͘̕͠ ̴̢̢̰͖̮̩̝͓̜̰̺̬͗̀́̃̎͑̔͜͜ͅḩ̶̝̫͎̤͕̪̱̓̊̿͂̀̿͒̓̓̿̀̂̋͘ȗ̵͖̖͖̱̔͊͝ṙ̴̖̺̺̥̪̈́͑̏ț̷̻̑͊͋͆̄͆̅͐̃̐͂s̶̨̛̙̫͕̪͈̘͉͕͖̋͌̂͆͝ ̴̢̮̀̐̍̌̇͑̓̾i̵̢̳̼̠͍̥̩̫͓̟̞̇̎̈́̽͑́̈́̍̌̒̅͊͜͝͝t̸̻̺̳̼̟̳͖̫͉͓͚̾͌̎́̌̃̈̍͝͝ ̷̡̫́͒́͐͘ĥ̸̞͎͈̺͍̼̤͚͂̋̆̀̏̎̊̊̓̕͝u̴̗͎͎͓͉̳̤̮͕̮͐̐̑͆̂́̈́̑̈͘ȑ̴̯͈̈͐̄̾̈̇̊t̴̢̡̧̩̤͎͍̘̘̝̯̖͖̼̥͛̌̏͐̆s̵̭̩̬͔̼̥͎̫͖̠̻̲̬͒̆̏̓ ̸̯̟͉̞̗̻͈̱͇̫̻̔̈́̌̽̌͐̈́̚̚͝i̵̧̮̪̩̋͒̆͂͐̈́̀͒̊̋̆̔̄̈́͛t̸̡͓̲̪̯͌̓̐̂̽͛͋͂͂̈͑͛̕ͅ ̸̨̧̨̭̳͈͉̣͖͐͐̊̋̌̃̀͠ḣ̶̨̯̯͕̭̫͎̠̘̲̊̿̇͋͑̅̑́͒̒̈́͊̔ͅu̶̝͇͍̬̾̈́̉͐̽͌̾̚͝͝r̴̢̢̥̗̲̣̓̅̏ṫ̶̻͔̙̯̯̪̬̜̊́̄̈̈́̀̉̍͋͝͝s̶̅̊ͅ ̴͎̪̟̟̬̰͎̙̇̅̀͗͛͠ỉ̷̧͎͔͙̬̳̼̠̏̽̈́̈́̓͆̔͆̋͑̀̑͜͜ẗ̴̛̪̠͖̗͖͔̠̖̞̗̲̥̯͊̔̾͆̚̕͜ ̶͇͍͙̟̼̭̣̗̤͛̋͗̅͋̈́̎̓̓̚͠h̴̛̺͉͙̀͐̂̓͒̄͠͠͠ú̵̧̞̫̥͚͍̼͕͇̑͐̊ͅr̸͕̮͇̐̄͌̊͗͊̏͝t̶̢͔̱̘̩̦̩͍̪͈̗̘̮́̽̐s̶̙̝̥͕̖̱̺̣̺̫̠̥͖̀͗͂̏̓̾̑͋̕͜͝ ̵̯̬̗̱̱̑̐̾͂͜i̵̡̼̖̝͔͙̭̪̊̿̔̾̍̔̀ͅt̷̢͉͇͇̦̖͍͖͌̾͂͌͗̉ͅ ̴̝͇͇͔̬͐h̸̺̳̠͌ű̷̧̧̦̦͎̭͕͓̯̱̠̗̬̲͝r̶̬̗̠̗̟̞̯̅̒͒̎̐ẗ̶̢̪͖̩̥͖̥͈̱̺̭͇̥́̏̄͗̓̾͌̾͗̏̃͒̈́̕͘s̴̟̘͕͔̣̘̻͚̺͚̤̈́͗̽̊̅̏̔̂̏̉̚ ̷̢̰͉̼̠̞͈̈͑̈́̃́͆̔̄̐̋̈́́̏ͅí̵̢̧̖̲͔̪̝̖̘͍͔̫͖̾͗́̋͂̈̓͑͌́̈͠ţ̵̨̡͉̱̘̽̓͂͌͌̃͝ ̶̮̩̅͆̂͊̽͜͝ȟ̷̢̰͙͙͕̣̺̦̘̭͍͔̰̽̔́ͅū̵͐̾̀͘ͅŗ̶̩̲̣̺̰̿̈́t̴̫̩̻̝̺̪̯͊̀̔̎̍̈̎̽̈́̏̄͛s̶̼̺̫̤̦͎̯̒͛̀̍̑̇͗͆͒̽͠ ̷̧̧̪͈̝̺͇̭̟̬̙͕̣̐̀̈̈́̉̐i̶͙̮̱̣̺̳͖͍͕͚̞͙̙̽͊͂ť̴̯̳̤̞͖͉̪̰̪͖̗̗͑͜ͅ ̸̨̡̢̹͚̮͔̥̲̙̺̮̟̰̌̃̂̽̚ḣ̸̰̬̻͔͙̮̫͙͉̬̤̘̾̀̍̇̾͜ͅu̸͆̈́̐͑͂͝͝

fairydrowning:

“I was growing less and less attached to life. If I kept going, I thought, I’d disappear completely, then reappear in some new form. This was my hope. This was the dream.”

-Ottessa Moshfegh, My Year of Rest and Relaxation

In the mood for self induced timely death

tendersea:

feeling the weight of the unlived life today girls